How you remind me
by Gina Callen
Summary: Deeks meets a blast from his past intent on making him suffer for the mistakes of his youth. As always rated M cos of later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**How you remind me.**

**A/N Hope you enjoy this one, I noticed there were not many H/C Deeks stories so had to write one.**

**Please review i LOVE hearing from y'all.**

**Disclaimer: **As always these are Shane Brennan's toys and i'm only playing.

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Sam and Callen walked into ops and Callen flopped on the couch, "You ok?" Kensi asked, staring at Callen who looked really green.

Callen glared at Sam "Car sick!" He mumbled

Sam rolled his eyes, "I took a short cut, Callen's just moaning again." Sam stated.

Eric whistled and they all trooped up to Ops. "You drive like a woman" Callen said to Sam as they went upstairs.

"Next time YOU drive." Sam smirked.

"What we got." Callen asked

Eric pulled up what looked like a pile up on the PCH.

"Prisoner transport crashed into a Marine transport bus, Most of the prisoners have been located but we are missing one and a Staff sergeant who we think has been taken hostage."

"Names?" Kensi asked

"Jackson Roberts in for assault and armed robbery done 15 years and Staff Sergeant Eric Revell "

Eric turned around, "Wait, where's Deeks?" He asked, Kensi rolled her eyes "Dentist, He broke a crown this morning."

Callen cringed thinking of the needle. "Yikes," He laughed "Pick him up; we'll meet you at the crime scene. Eric, see what else you can come up with and keep us informed."

Eric nodded and turned back to the screen and started typing furiously.

"Don't worry," Nell said "We'll send updates to your PDA's."

Callen nodded and they all headed out.

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><p>Kensi picked Deeks up from the dentist smiling with an ice pack in her hand.<p>

"What did you do?" She smirked

Deeks glared at her and took the ice pack and slouched in the passenger side of her car.

"Jaw breaker." He finally admitted.

She laughed as he gingerly applied the ice pack and groaned contentedly.

"We have a case," Kensi told him and filled him in on the details while he lay back. He popped two painkillers and got his head straight. Kensi was enjoying this and hoped he was the strong silent with an emphasis on silent type for a while longer.

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><p>As they arrived at the scene, Sam and Callen were talking to the local LEO's and getting all the information they had.<p>

"It looks like this was staged," Callen said to them worriedly.

"Outside help?" Kensi asked

"Nope." Callen said "This was targeted at us. Our personnel files were hacked. Nothing major just names and pairings"

"Pairings?" Deeks mumbled,

"Yep, who was partnered with who." Callen stated

"Eric's backtracking it, but he thinks the hack came from the prison." Sam informed them.

"Any leads on where they are." Kensi asked.

"It's gone cold." Sam Stated.

"Great!" Kensi moaned in frustration.

They headed back to ops, Sam and Callen went to the gym to work out their frustration and Kensi did her paperwork and Deeks nursed his sore chin.

Hetty walked into the bullpen "How's the tooth Mr. Deeks?" She asked.

Deeks tried a lopsided grin, "its seen better days" He admitted

"Candy is always best for the young, they grow new teeth." She said and walked on.

Deeks had to agree with her but he wasn't sure it would stop him eating candy ever again, just maybe for now.

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><p>Come the end of the day they were very despondent, Eric has got a big fat zilch on any leads and was frantically trying to figure out who had hacked into their systems. The good news was that all they had managed to get away with was names no other ID which meant their covers were intact, Kensi offered Deeks a lift home seeing as he hadn't brought his car today and besides all those pain pills meant Marty couldn't drive.<p>

"Wanna beer," Deeks offered knowing that Kensi was down from the day's events.

"Sure." Kensi said

They walked in the door and stopped as they saw the staff sergeant tied up on a chair in the living room and Monty was drugged on the floor limply wagging his tail at his master.

They both drew their guns and Kensi stopped as a gun barrel was placed against her head.

"Drop it boy!" The mans' voice said.

Marty went white and dropped the gun out of shock.

"D...Brandel...Y...you're dead!" he breathed

"Sorry son, not yet" Gordon Brandel said a leer crossed his face at the sight of his son's horror.

Kensis' eyes went wide she had never seen her partner terrified but Deeks was actually shaking in terror. She looked at Deeks questioningly, just who was this man?

"You like my present boy." Brandel asked "I didn't kill him figured I'd leave that for you to do."

Deeks shook his head, a thousand thoughts ran through at once, "how...NO! I won't kill him!" Deeks yelled trying to get himself together.

Kensis' hand went into her pocket and typed the agent in distress code into her mobile and hoped Eric would pick it up.

"Kill him or I kill her" Brandel said and cocked the gun he was holding.

Deeks looked wildly at Kensi and hoped to God she knew him well enough to know what he was going to do. He bent down and picked up the gun and aimed at the Staff Sergeant.

Then he fired the shot going through his shoulder.

"I SAID KILL HIM!" Brandel yelled

"It will," Deeks said. His eyes downcast.

"Good, now drop that gun and come with me." Deeks dropped the gun.

"Deeks..."Kensi begged "Shoot him"

"I...I can't" Deeks breathed tears rolling down his face.

Brandel hit Kensi with his gun and the last thing Kensi heard was Deeks anguished voice "No!"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you for the review and story alerts and favorites ;)

Hope your enjoying it.

Please, please let me more reviews. They make me smile and i write faster.

Usual disclaimer applies.

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 2<p>

"Hetty, We've got an agent in distress...it's Kensi" Eric said and put the phone down; He had already called Sam and Callen and was trying to get Kensi's location up on the screen.

Callen and Sam raced up the stairs to ops.

"What have we got Mr. Beale?" Hetty asked as she walked in.

"It looks like Roberts was at Deek's house and was waiting there when he got home." Eric said

"But Kensi called it in?" Callen asked worried, surely Deeks would have called it in.

"I have audio..." Eric played what he'd been able to pick up from Kensi's cell.

"Brandel? I thought his name was Roberts?" Callen said.

"Oh my!" Hetty said and they all turned and looked at her

"What?" Sam asked,

"Eric," Hetty said not answering him, "Look up Gordon John Brandel"

"Who is he?" Callen asked.

"Gordon John Brandel, Died in prison in 1998."Eric stated "He was in prison for Spousal abuse and Child abuse, he's survived by one son, Martin Brandel date of birth January 8th 1979."

"We need to find the son," Sam said.

"You already know him," Hetty said quietly, "Mr. Deeks, is Martin Brandel."

"So Roberts knows him as Brandel? " Callen said not quite getting it.

"No, Mr. Callen, Roberts is Gordon John Brandel."Hetty stated simply and let it sink in.

"Eric pulls up Roberts' and Brandel's bio's" Callen demanded.

They were the same man a few years on him but defiantly the same guy.

"We have footage from a camera outside Deek's apartment." Eric said and it showed Deeks head bowed in defeat being walked out of the apartment with Brandel holding a gun on him, but Kensi was nowhere to be seen.

"There have been 911 calls" Eric said as he worked the keyboard furiously "A gunshot was heard inside the apartment,"

"Eric, follow Deeks, Hetty we're going to Deeks' to see who got shot."Callen yelled running out of the room hoping to God it wasn't Kensi.

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><p>Deeks was numb.<p>

His father was back from the grave and worse his partner and his dog were hurt and he hadn't been able to send the Agent in distress signal so no one knew, and even more worse he'd just shot a Marine!

He knew he should fight back, he'd done it before but right now his brain was screaming and his body would only walk where the gun in his back directed him to go.

Brandel tied Deeks up and threw him into the back of a stolen van.

Deeks lay there unable to stop the tears and hoping Brandel wouldn't see.

Brandel got in the front of the van and started driving.

Deeks suddenly remembered his phone was in his pocket and tried getting it out, if he could send the agent in distress signal then someone could help Kensi.

Brandel looked over his shoulder at his son and saw the phone in his pocket. He pulled over to the side of the road and got out.

The side door opened and Brandel snatched the phone out of Deeks' pocket and put it under the van tyre, "I don't think so boy." Brandel sneered and raised his arm, Deeks flinched as Brandel's hand swung and backhanded him around the head. Blood trickled from a cut on Deek's head and his mouth.

Brandel stepped back "Ya ain't crying are you boy."

"No Sir," Deeks quietly replied knowing that to say anything else would result in more beatings.

Brandel sniggered and got in the van restarting the engine and crushing the phone and sim card.

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><p>Kensi groaned as she woke up and rubbed her head, she was seeing stars and for a minute thought she'd had too much to drink, then a light was shined in her eyes.<p>

"OW!" she said and swatted the hand away, then it all came back to her." DEEKS!" she yelled

"Calm down miss I'm a paramedic, my names Chris." He smiled at her "Can you follow my finger" he said and tried the light again.

"Put that damn light in my eyes again and I swear it'll be the last thing you ever do." She growled.

"Kens..." Callen called as he walked into the apartment,

"Here," Kensi called back once again pushing the paramedic away, "Deeks was taken." She said eager to fill them in on what had happened. "I've never seen him so scared." She finished looking at the guys.

"You need to know Kensi, The guy...He's Deeks' dad." Sam told her

Kensi's hand flew up to her mouth "Oh my God!" She breathed "I thought he was dead."

"So did he, Kens."Callen replied.

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><p>The van stopped and even though it was dark Deeks could see the outline of a cabin behind some trees, he had no idea where he was or what time it was.<p>

Brandel opened the door of the van and pulled Deeks out by the scruff of his neck, dragged him to a cabin and threw him in by the scruff of his neck.

"Stay down boy." Brandel sneered when Deeks made a move to get up.

"Why are you doing this?"Deeks asked.

"You shot me boy, I said one day I'd find you." Brandel said as he opened a bottle of jack.

Deeks inwardly groaned Brandel was an asshole at the best of times once he was drunk he was worse.

"I was 11." Deeks said defending himself, "You were attacking mom."

"Not your business now though is it."

"She's my Mom!" Deeks said incredulously, surely Brandel got that at least. Although Deeks realised he was calling his dad, Brandel rather than dad, it was helping him get his mind clearer.

'Come on Marty,' he said to himself, 'your not 11 anymore your a fully trained LAPD detective, just one opening and your out of here.'

Deeks shook his head gently testing out what hurt and what didn't. There didn't seem to be any serious injuries so he figured he could get away safe, but there were to side of him at play here. The little boy side, who just wanted to run away and find somewhere safe to hide and the Cop side who wanted to put Brandel back behind bars, where he belonged.

The cabin he was in was basic 1 bed, one sofa, a stove, one window, that was padlocked and a door that was padlocked too. So if he got out of here it would have to pick a padlock to get out.

Brandel noticed his son's eyes looking for an escape route. "Don't worry son, I have your way out of here," He said and leant behind the sofa and picked up a body bag and grinned.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Thanks for the review and follow love them all.

Warning this Chapter deals with violence and Child abuse. don't like don't read.

As usual these belong to Shane Brennan and i'm just playing with them.

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><p>How you remind me ~ Chapter 3<p>

By the time he was 6 years old, little Martin Brandel had learned a few things. First not all families beat their children, second NEVER EVER bother his father when he'd been drinking and thirdly never tell what goes on at home.

He'd done that one day, he had gone to school and a teacher had found him crying in the toilets, She had gently pulled him aside and sat him down and asked what the problem was.

"Daddy hits me," Little Martin had sniffed.

"Does he spank you because you're bad?" The teacher had asked. This was the wrong question Little Martin had been told it WAS his fault his father beat him and that any hitting was just a spank.

Martin had nodded his head; he had listened at school when they said if someone is hurting you tell a teacher as they will help. The teacher looked Martin in the eye's and said "It's very serious to accuse someone of hitting you, you could get taken away from your mommy and daddy, is that what you want? Are you Sure your telling me the truth?"

Martin thought about it he loved his mommy and if he left daddy would hurt her more, so he had shook his head.

The teacher wiped his eyes and said "Just try to be a good boy at home, Martin" and sent him out to the playground.

She did however; Phone the house to talk to his father over her concerns. Gordon Brandel had been sober at the time of the phone call and new how to charm people. He assured her that he hated having to spank Martin on the rare occasion he had, had to and yes he had, had to spank him last night for staying out after dark and he had hope Martin had learned his lesson. The teacher had believed him and understood how troublesome little boys could be.

That afternoon Martin walked home clutching the picture of blue flowers he had drawn for his mother to cheer her up. He stood outside the door for a moment listening to make sure his father wasn't yelling or beating up his mom inside then knocked the door.

Gordon opened it and pulled him inside by his hair and threw him up against the wall.

"What you been saying about me boy!" Brandel yelled at him. Martin could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"n...nothing" Martin said quietly with his eyes firmly fixed on the floor, not wanting to look in the wrong place and annoy Brandel even more.

"I had a call from your teacher boy, You been telling, you do it again and I WILL kill your mother, you got me boy?" Brandel sneered

Tears started to roll down Martin's cheeks. He felt really guilty; he shouldn't have told his eyes darted around trying to see his mother to make sure she was safe.

A hand smacked Martin around the face and then as he fell, Brandel kicked him in the ribs twice.

"DO YOU GOT ME BOY!" Brandel yelled.

"Y...yessir." Martin mumbled. Brandel stormed off and Martin crawled to his room and curled up on his bed.

Hours later his mother had come into his room which Martin took to mean his father was passed out; She held him and stroked his hair. "I'm sorry baby." She said whilst wiping the dried blood from his face. "Why can't we go somewhere safe?" Martin asked his mommy tears falling she held him silent tears running down his face, "I don't know anywhere safe baby, he'd find us." She said.

They had moved the next week to LA as Gordon had friends who could offer him work and he had promised his wife a fresh start. Martin had learned Never to tell or trust a teacher again.

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><p>Kensi, Sam and Callen entered ops at the same time.<p>

Hetty was already there giving, Eric instructions to unseal the LAPD file on Gordon John Brandel.

Eric turned around and briefed them

"In 1990 police were called for about the twelve times to a house in Fullerton, on Ash avenue. Mostly reports of arguments and sometimes reports of screaming." Callen held himself tighter remembering his own childhood and what those types of report meant, Eric went on, "This time it was reports of gunshots,"

"Brandel shot at Deeks?" Callen asked.

"No," Eric shook his head "Gordon John Brandel was shot by 11 year old Martin Brandel. The Fullerton police searched for Martin for 4 hours before they found him under a slide at Woodcrest Elementary school on Baker avenue a few blocks away, he still had the gun and was covered in blood."

"His fathers?" Kensi asked

"No, his own... His father had smacked his mother into a pulp, she was taken to hospital in a coma and he had beaten Martin so bad he had 98% bruising over his body a fractured jaw and skull, a broken wrist and four broken ribs plus innumerable cuts from a knife."

Kensi and Sam looked completely shocked; mostly because this had happened to their friend but also from Callen reaction as if this was to be expected as he had just nodded.

"The D.A. didn't prosecute Deeks for the shooting as it was obviously in self defence, Brandel was charged with Spousal abuse and Child abuse he was sent down for 15 years." Eric said quietly.

"Reports were he had died in 1998, but we now know he traded places with Jackson Roberts who was serving 5-10 for armed robbery and killed him to take his place."

"What about Deek's mom?" Kensi asked.

Eric looked at Hetty for permission to continue. "She's still in a Coma, on the long stay ward in Anaheim Regional medical center; Deeks visits her roughly twice a week."

"Oh my God" Kensi breathed she'd been partnered with Deeks for over a year and never knew this about him, She had just assumed that he went on dated twice a week when he hadn't been available for drinks after work, He'd never opened up to her or told her anything about it.

"We'll get him back Kens..." Callen told her as he saw tears running down her cheeks. "But don't whatever you do pity him when he gets back, He won't want it."

"How do you know?" Kensi spat at him she'd instantly regretted it as Callen just said "I've been there." And walked out.

"Callen I..." She called after him. Sam grabbed her arm "We're good." He said and Kensi knew that for Callen this would be hitting some sore spots for him too.

"Deeks was in foster care for four years, one home, looks like he got lucky." Eric said.

"we got a hit on the Van," Eric said as a screen blinked at him, "On the Glendale freeway heading towards Angeles National Forest,"

"That's miles of forest any way to pin it down." Sam asked

Eric shook his head "Not yet" He admitted.

Sam turned and went to talk to Callen.

Callen was on the second floor beating the life out of a punch bag, He felt like he had failed Deeks somehow and wished Deeks had talked to him about this, but he also realized why he hadn't after all Callen didn't open up to anyone either.

But he was team leader and Hetty had known about Brandel, She should have told him. Maybe he could have prevented this from happening somehow.

Sam put his hand on Callen's shoulder and then stepped back as Callen instinctively threw a punch his way. "God, Sam I'm sorry!" Callen said as he realized what he had done.

Sam understood this was a part of being Callen's Partner understanding when Callen needed to retreat into himself and knowing when not to let it get to far.

"We have a lead on the Van G," Sam said.

"Let's get going then" Callen replied and they headed out.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N feeling overproductive today so i wrote 2 chapters (You lucky peeps you!) ;)

As usual i am nicking Shane Brennan's toy's and i promise he'll get them back sometime soon (Not sure in what state though)

Any enjoy and please REVIEW!

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><p>How you remind me ~ chapter 4<p>

Kensi had talked to Hetty and Eric and armed with the information she had walked to the long stay ward at the Anaheim Regional Medical Center.

"Can I help you?" The nurse on Duty asked.

"I'm here to see Molly Deeks." Kensi said.

The nurse looked behind her as if expecting someone else, her eyes narrowed, "And you are?" She asked.

"Kensi Blye, NCIS" she showed her badge. The nurse relaxed, "Sorry, we have been told by her son to check everyone who comes to see her, although apart from Marty, no one ever does." She smiled at Kensi. "You do know Ms Deeks is in a Coma?" She asked.

"Yes I'm Marty's partner, He's...away for a few days, I said I'd check on her." Kensi said putting the nurse at ease.

"In here." The nurse said and opened the door.

In a bed lay Molly Deeks, She looked really young, Kensi checked her chart. Molly was 46 which by Kensi's reckoning had made her 15 when she'd had Marty and only 26 when she had gone into a coma. Molly blond hair was neatly brushed and for a moment Kensi thought he looked like snow white from her stories as a kid. There was a fresh vase of blue flowers by her bed and a faded picture tacked onto the notice board by her bed, a child's painting of blue flowers and in a Childs hand written. To mommy to keep you safe, love Martin aged 6. Kensi wiped away a tear at that, and quickly checked to see if anyone had noticed.

She left and went back to the nurse's station. "Has anyone called about Ms Deeks in the last couple of days?" Kensi asked. The nurse looked up at her, "Actually no." She said sounding surprised, "Usually Mr. Deeks...Marty calls twice a day we take the phone into her room and he says good morning and goodnight every day without fail."

Kensi nodded, "He'll be back soon." She said but she wasn't sure if she was telling the nurse or herself.

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><p>Deeks woke up, his ribs and head hurt from yet another beating.<p>

Brandel had decided it'd be easier if he beat Deeks every night to stop him escaping.

Deeks slowly manoeuvred himself upright and began working on the ropes that were tying his wrists together,

Brandel woke up and made himself some coffee.

Deeks hadn't eaten in the three days he'd been there; he was hungry and thirsty but wouldn't ask for anything. But his eyes looked hungrily as Brandel made himself eggs to go with his coffee.

"You thirsty boy," Brandel said and laughed as he threw a cup of water in Deek's face.

Deeks looked down and when he saw Brandel's shoes leave his sight he licked what water he could off his face.

"Should be a few more days now." Brandel said, "Then you'll be filling out that bag,"

Deek's blood ran cold, Brandel was right in a few more days he'd probably die of thirst, so it was obvious he wasn't going to shoot him, which was what he had expected. But then Kensi was probably dead, Brandel had hit her hard and it would have been at least a day before they realized he was gone and the Staff sergeant was probably dead too so why worry, although some part of him did hope that Eric, Callen and Sam could find him. After all if they couldn't who would pay his mum's medical bills. That if nothing else he decided was the reason he was going to keep fighting.

"I thought you were dead." He said quietly.

"Yeah, "Brandel sneered "I heard you'd become a cop." Brandel smiled to himself. "I got a 'friend' to change places with me, I'm gonna kill you then that bitch mother of yours."

"She's already dead." Deeks said.

"Nah!" Brandel shot back, "Hired me a hacker, looked into you, She's still in that hospital...I got her good" He smiled to himself and Deeks fought back the urge to vomit.

"You leave her alone!" He shouted. Brandel walked over and kicked him in the stomach. Deek's eyes watered and he coughed trying to get his breath back, as the pain from his broken ribs shot up and down the right side of his body.

"You cost me years boy, I want payback," Brandel stated.

"I swear this time I will kill you" Deeks growled.

Brandel got a knife out and walked up to Deeks brandishing it in his face, "You want some more of this boy" He said and cut Deeks' wrists not enough to kill him but enough for it to bleed and then poured salt on the wounds, Deeks screamed and Brandel kicked him again and smiled.

"Ain't payback a bitch" He sneered.

Not for the first time in his life Deeks prayed, He prayed to God that someone would kill his dad and save him. The same prayer he'd used when hiding under the slide at 11 bleeding and broken when he'd been rescued by two police officers. Also he added this time, Please if Kensi isn't dead keep her safe and let Callen find me.

"Well I'm outta booze, so you sit tight boy, I'm going to the market." Brandel stated.

Deeks just shut his eyes, thanking God for the next few hours of peace that unconsciousness brought.

About an hour later Deeks woke up, as usual he ached, but he discovered that the blood running down his wrists had loosened his ropes and he managed to get them off. He crawled his way over to the sink and washed his wrists under the tap.

Then he wrapped them with some old towel he found, it wasn't hygienic but it'd do. Then he made his way to the door, "Shit!" he said. The padlock had been moved outside the door was still locked but there was no way out, He went back to the kitchen and drank as much water as he could and was promptly sick. But at least he thought if he couldn't get out it was a few more days to live and maybe escape.

He checked the cupboards, He didn't dare touch the food in case Brandel figured out something was missing, water he wouldn't notice but food he would.

He found a small knife Brandel had missed when checking for sharp objects in the kitchen and he put it down the back of his pants.

Now all he had to do was wait, till Brandel got back.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Thanks for the Reviews and Story alerts and Favorites.

Warning this chapter contains scenes that even freak me out!

Usual disclaimer applies.

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><p>How you remind me ~ Chapter 5<p>

Sam and Callen swung by the hospital to pick up Kensi.

"How was she?" Sam asked.

"Doing as well as expected." Kensi replied feeling a little more reassured that when they found Deeks she would have something good to tell him, and hoping he would appreciate that she had gone to see his mum for him.

"Eric gave us a road where the van was last caught on camera, but it went into Angeles National Forest, so we are meeting up with a couple of rangers who work there, who will give us hopefully a rough idea of where he is." Callen said.

"Great" Kensi smiled for what had seemed like the first time in days, finally she'd be getting her partner back.

Deeks heard Brandel's van pull up outside the cabin.

He stood behind the door with his knife ready to pounce, this was his one chance to get away and he knew it.

Brandel was taking longer than expected to come in and Deeks felt like he had been standing there for hours. Suddenly he heard the padlock being unlocked, but instead of the door opening normally it was kicked open with such force that Deeks ended up being knocked flying across the floor.

"You think I'm stupid boy" Brandel yelled and pulled his gun on Deeks.

Deeks groaned and tried to get up. Brandel kicked him back down.

"I SAID D'YA THINK I'M STUPID BOY!" He screamed at him.

"N...no sir." Deeks replied. He knew if he said anything else more beatings would follow, so he reasoned the best thing to do was to agree with Brandel and keep himself alive as long as possible as maybe, just maybe someone might get him out of this mess.

"I know you're a cop, I checked through the window first." Brandel sneered "Don't ever think you're smarter than me."

Brandel tied him back up again and repadlocked the door, shutting out Deek's last hope of getting away.

Deeks curled in a ball, in the corner and gave up.

Brandel took a swig of whisky and sat on the sofa looking at Deeks and then looked over at the body bag and he grinned maliciously.

"Y'know what." He said, "You're too much trouble boy, y'always were." He drawled

Deeks had flashbacks of being eleven years old and going to his mom's side after Brandel had beat her into a coma, he'd said the same sentence and had then proceeded to try and kill him.

Deeks shook with fear, what was Brandel thinking? What else could he do to him?

Brandel got up and dragged Deeks by his hair towards the body bag. Deeks' eyes widened in fear as he realized Brandel was going to bury him alive.

Deeks started kicking and screaming as if his life really did depend on it, Brandel backhanded him around the mouth, "Shut up boy," he growled menacingly at him.

He lay Deeks down on the body bag and zipped it up around him, Deeks' last sight of Brandel was of him leaning over the bag and Zipping it up with a sneer on his face, "Finally gonna rid myself of you boy. Then I'm off to get her." He grinned as he saw the fear on Deek's face and the tears rolling down his cheeks. As Brandel zipped the bag up Deeks screwed up his eyes and prayed someone would save his mom. But why would they, he hadn't confided in his team about her or his childhood, they probably didn't know she existed.

At this he broke.

He lay in the bag not even registering that Brandel was kicking the bag with all his might and not acknowledging as a rib or a bone was being broken.

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><p>"I got it" Eric yelled in Callen's Ear.<p>

"OW!" Callen said, "Ok Eric, What have you got?"

"Kaleidoscope, spotted the van on Angeles Crest Highway, about an hour ago," He sounded more excited than usual "I'm sending the Info to your PDA's, Right up until we lost him so he has to be in that area."

Callen smiled he knew Eric was right to be excited and he knew the Tech had been annoyed about his lack of progress in the case so far.

"There's a Dirt road after the last camera sighting and a Cabin in the woods about 5 miles up."

"Thanks Eric, Good work." Callen said.

Eric smiled and leaned back in his chair, then switched to a satellite view and informed Hetty of what was going on.

"Callen, we've got Satellite trained on the cabin and 2 heat signatures, ones not moving."

"Callen nodded and said "thanks Eric," and pressed his foot a bit harder on the gas.

Brandel had already dug Deeks' grave and pulled the body bag towards it.

Dropping it beside the hole he gave it a kick and grinned as it rolled in.

He heard the groan as Deek's body hit the bottom of the grave and sneered as he realised he was still alive.

He walked back into the house to get another drink and figured he'd have a drink before he filled it in, after all he considered, he'd had to wait for years to get his own back on that little shit so he could let him lay there in terror for a few more hours.

He leaned back on the sofa as the door flew in.

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><p>"NCIS Freeze" Sam yelled.<p>

"Shit!" Brandel dropped the bottle he was holding and put his hands up and smiled at the agents.

Kensi swept the room with her eyes looking frantically for Deeks, "Where is he!" She yelled at Brandel.

"You're too late," He said.

Kensi let out a yell of rage and walked up to him and put the gun to his head.

Sam put his arm on her "Kens..." He said quietly

She turned to him tears pricking her eyes "All this and we're too late?"

"Wait guys," Eric came in over the earwigs, "I have slight body heat out the back about 20 yards behind the cabin. They handed Brandel over to the local LEO's and ran towards the place Eric had pointed out on the PDA's.

"Oh my God, Deeks" Kensi yelled as they saw the body bag in the grave, luckily it wasn't too deep.

Sam and Callen pulled out the body bag and Kensi knelt beside it crying. She carefully opened it and looked at Deeks' body unable to believe she had lost another partner.

She slowly put her hand to his face and jumped as he flinched.

"Callen, He's alive!"

"Over here!" Callen called to the paramedics and they came running over with a stretcher and lifted Deeks in the body bag onto it.

They cut the body bag off him and even Callen cringed at the amount of injuries Deeks seemed to have suffered. The paramedics went to put an oxygen mask for him and Deeks tried to fight them off. Callen put his arm on Deeks "It's over Deeks, You're safe."

Deeks tried opening his eyes but all he could say was "Kens...?"

"She's here, she's fine." Callen said and Deeks fell into unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Thanks for the reviews and PM's Glad you guys are enjoying this.

Disclaimer: These are Shane Brennan's toys i'm only playing and he will eventually get them back more or less in one piece. ;)

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 6<p>

Hetty, Sam, Callen and Kensi all sat in the waiting room waiting to here from the doctor on how Deeks was doing.

"Is there a Miss Lang here?" The doctor asked looking at his clipboard.

Hetty stood up and walked towards him.

"We have you listed as Mr. Deek's next of kin." The doctor said.

Hetty nodded "That's right how is he?" She asked worriedly

"He's stable but it's very serious, quite frankly, only one other time in my career, have I ever seen injuries this bad, as you know." He said.

Hetty nodded "And he made it through that time, so will he this time?" She asked

The doctor nodded, "I will be making him see a psychologist before he leaves us though."

"Very well," Hetty said.

"Can I... we see him? " Kensi asked.

"Yes he's sedated now though." The doctor said and left them too it, thinking back as he walked about how he remembered treating the eleven year old Marty of nearly the same injuries and as before amazed the young man had managed to survive all he'd been through.

Callen got to the door first and opened it slowly.

His breath caught in his throat as he saw the stitches and IV and the amount of bandages on his friend.

"Deeks?" Kensi said as she sat beside him and held his hand, "We're all here for you."

They spent about 15 minutes with him each talking to him and letting him know that they wanted him to wake up.

Callen turned to Hetty, "Sam and I are going to head to the boatshed to talk to Brandel."

"He's not there. I need you here." Hetty said quietly urging her two senior agents out into the corridor

Callen's eyes narrowed and Sam could tell his partner was bracing himself.

"Brandel shot the police officers taking him in, There is a BOLO out for him, but I need you Mr. Hanna to go to the medical center where Mr. Deeks' mother is and guard her, there are two LAPD officers with her now and Mr Callen I would like you out here watching out for our Mr. Deeks."

"What about Kensi?" Callen knew she'd be furious when she found out.

"She needs to be here for her partner." Hetty just said.

Sam nodded to Hetty and headed to the medical center.

Callen pulled up a plastic chair and sat outside Deeks's room, at a perfect angle where he could see the elevator and the stairs and just look like a tired visitor.

* * *

><p>Brandel smiled at himself as he hid in the abandoned warehouse.<p>

He'd killed those two annoying cops and just had to finish the job he'd started all he had to do was find the boy, finish his mom and then he was finally free.

He picked up the cell he had stolen earlier and called a number.

"It's me Brandel." He said when the other party answered, "I need to know which hospital Martin Deeks is in." He listened as the hacker on the other end typed and gave him an address.

"Are we even now." The voice on the other end asked.

Brandel sneered, "Yeah," and hung up.

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><p>First thing he thought was that he was dead. 'Ok, whatever.' He thought he was a bit disappointed but figured maybe he just didn't deserve to go to heaven. Then he felt the pain.<p>

Deeks groaned slightly and Kensi's head shot up.

"Deeks!" Kensi pressed the call button and opened the door for the nurses; she was surprised to see Callen sitting outside on a chair.

"He's waking up." She told him.

They both stood back in the room as the nurse came in and looked at him.

"Mr. Deeks?" she said and put a hand on his arm.

His eyes flew open and he started failing wildly trying to get away.

Kensi stroked his forehead, "Deeks it's me your safe, you need to relax so the nurse can get the tube out of your throat."

Deeks calmed hearing her voice, 'well if I am dead then at least Kensi is here,' he figured he could handle dead if she was there.

The nurse took out the tube.

A tear slipped down Deeks' cheek "I'm Sorry Kens..." He croaked.

She leant closer to hear him better, "You should be in heaven not my hell."

She kissed his forehead, "You're not dead." She whispered in his ear, "And neither am I"

He relaxed into the pillows as another round of morphine shot through his system.

Callen looked at her quizzically

"Deeks thought we were dead." She explained.

"Well, I'm glad your not." He said looking at the sleeping form of Deeks.

"Kens...we need to talk." Callen said solemnly.

"I thought you were going to interview Brandel," She said as Callen lead her into the hallway.

"Kens... He escaped I'm on guard duty." He said simply knowing there was no way to make it easier on her but relieved he didn't have to tell Deeks just yet. "Sam's watching Deeks' mom." He said forestalling her next question.

"I'm not leaving him." She said. Callen could tell she was having flashbacks about Dom again and fully understood where she was coming from, "That's why we didn't tell you, so you can be there for your partner."

Kensi sent him a weak smile "Thanks." She said.

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><p>Deeks opened his eyes, he was sure he'd heard Kensi telling him they weren't dead, he realized he wasn't when he looked about and saw a hospital room, but he couldn't see her.<p>

He closed his eyes and a tear ran silently down his cheek again, he'd got it wrong, he wasn't dead but she was and it had been his fault.

He turned his head to the wall and zoned out

"Hey Deeks." Callen said to him as he popped his head round the door, Kensi had gone for coffee and doughnuts as her sugar Jones was just kicking in.

Deeks jumped at the noise and just looked at Callen. Callen was shocked at the fact the laughter that was always apparent in Deeks' eyes wasn't there, in fact, if Callen had, had to describe the look in his eyes he would have said they were dead. Callen had been there and knew some of how Deeks maybe feeling. He made a point not to touch him and just sat in the chair next to the bed waiting in case Deeks wanted to talk.

"Sorry," Deeks said quietly, if he hadn't been waiting for it Callen knew he would have missed his friend's words.

"She's not dead." He said simply. Knowing it was exactly what Deeks was on about.

Deeks sighed and gave a small grin which cheered Callen a bit, but he had noticed the smile wasn't reflected in his eyes.

Kensi had made it clear to Callen not to tell Deeks anything about Brandel until he was strong enough, but he knew the next question was coming even before Deeks asked it.

"Is he dead?" Deeks asked too afraid to even say his name and he held his breath for the answer

"No." Callen figured telling him that Brandel was at large again would only agitate his further so just left it at that and hoped Deeks would think he was in custody.

"Do you have him?" Deeks needed to know he was safe.

Callen actually squirmed, Lying to others was second nature to him and he couldn't figure out why lying to Deeks right now was proving so difficult. Maybe it was because a few times he had been where Deeks was right now, and it was cutting too close to home for him.

"He killed two policemen and got away Marty." Callen said simply, Kensi was going to kill him, but he knew if it had been him, he would want...no need to know. So Callen told and decided to take whatever consequences there were.

Right now Deeks needed someone who was honest with him, someone he could trust, before he lost all faith in humanity.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Thanks to everyone who added me to alerts.

Would really love some reviews though, can't make it better if i dont know what you think.

As usual these are Shane Brennan's toys and i will give em back eventually. :)

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 7<p>

Deeks pushed himself up and started ripping IV tubes out of his arms and cables from his body.

"Hey calm down!" Callen said to him, "You're safe here."

Deeks flopped back on the bed, he hadn't told them about his mom and really wasn't in the sharing mood right now, "maybe you're right, where's Kensi?" He asked. Callen turned to look out of the door and Deeks picked up the water jug and cracked Callen on the head with it.

Callen woke up and looked around him, "Hell!" he said and ran out of the room and into Kensi.

"You seen Deeks," He asked her.

"What do you mean have I seen Deeks he's in his room, isn't he? He's in no fit state to be anywhere else." Kensi's eyes flashed "You were supposed to be watching him!"

Callen grimaced, "Hey he hit me with a jug of water" He said back showing her his soaked top.

Kensi called Eric "Hey Eric can you check the security cameras outside the hospital, we've lost Deeks."

"What he's been kidnapped?" Eric asked

"No he's run." Kensi stated.

"I've got him; he's on a bus outside the medical center and seems to be heading towards Fullerton." Eric said

"Thanks," Kensi said "Callen, I know where he's going."

* * *

><p>They headed to Anaheim Regional Medical Center, They got in the elevator and got out at the 5th floor to see Deeks bleeding and hauling himself down the hallway in a desperate attempt to get to his mom's room.<p>

"Deeks!" Kensi yelled and ran up to him he was delirious and pulled a gun on her. Callen glanced at it and with a shock realized it was his. He hadn't even thought to check if Deeks had stolen his gun.

"Leave her alone!" Deeks yelled aiming wildly.

"Marty," Kensi said calmly putting her hand on his arm, "She's safe, Sam's with her."

"No Brandel's going to kill her!" Deeks was desperate he needed to know she was safe. A nurse ran up with a wheelchair.

"Mr. Deeks please sit down." She pleaded, Deeks slumped in the chair and Kensi knelt beside it, "C'mon lets take you to your mom." Kensi said and smiled as she saw Sam standing guard outside Molly Deeks' door.

"Hey Sam," Callen said "Just taking Deeks visiting." He smiled at Sam

They opened the door and wheeled Deeks in; He visibly relaxed and reached his arm out to his mom.

"See Deeks, She's safe, we would have taken you to her." Kensi said knowing the last part was a lie but not wanting to upset him.

His hand tightened around the gun, "Not safe...not yet" He said breathing heavily.

"Sam's here, watching her," Callen said. He put his arm on Deeks shoulder but pulled back quickly as he flinched. "We should get you back to a hospital bed, we'll see if we can get you transferred to here." He said quietly.

Deeks gritted his teeth, "I'm not leaving." He said and refused to move.

Callen looked at Deeks and could almost imagine him as a stubborn eleven year old, fiercely protecting his mom from his Dad.

Callen nodded and pulled his back up weapon from the holster at his ankle, "Then take this and give me my gun back." He said

Deeks gave Callen back his weapon and passed out with his head on the bed beside his mom.

Kensi looked at them and could really see the resemblance between the two of them; she motioned Sam and Callen to go outside.

"Come on, let him sleep."

Hetty arranged for Deeks to be transferred to the medical center and to be put in the same room as his mom. It made sense it would be easier to protect them if they were both in the same place.

"Have they found any leads yet?" Callen asked Hetty as he finished the call where she had told him about these new arrangements.

"No wherever Brandel is, he appears not to be moving at present." Hetty replied.

Callen sighed annoyed they couldn't find Brandel but pleased that the delay in him coming here meant Deeks could at least heal. He finished up his call and walked into the room just as Deeks started to wake up.

"Kens..." He said slowly opening his eyes.

"Deeks!" Kensi smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck." He admitted. As he slowly became aware of his surroundings, he realised his wasn't in his hospital bed. Then with a start he realized where he was, "Mom," he said weakly and looked over at her. He stretched his hand out and stroked her hair, "Morning beautiful." He said to her, and then in confusion looked over at the guys. "How did you know about her?" He asked them.

They grinned sheepishly, "Hetty." Sam said.

Deeks nodded, "That figures" he said

"Also it didn't help that you went all, lone wolf on us. Knocked me out, Stole my gun. Ran away from the hospital to get here to protect her." Callen said.

Deeks was shocked that he had hurt Callen, but all her could say was "it's my job." He growled daring Callen to challenge him.

Callen nodded knowing exactly where Deeks was coming from.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Kensi said hurt that he hadn't told her about his mom; Deeks just went silent and looked at Callen hoping he understood enough that he wouldn't have to say anything.

"Kensi," Callen put his hand on her shoulder, "Deeks would have told you when he was ready to."

Another thing occurred to Deeks "Why are we in the same room."

Callen answered simply, "You wouldn't leave her."

Deeks took this in as he remembered the last few days then a look of fear crossed his face, "He's still at large."

Kensi nodded, "But we will all stay here until we get him."

"Great," Deeks groaned "No jello." Kensi smiled at this but Callen could still see the spark of humour that only flitted in his eyes rather than staying there and Deeks was still too quiet, by now he would normally be driving her crazy on the many ways she had nicked his jello in the past.

He was worried about him. He knew from experience that if Deeks didn't talk to someone soon, it could damage him, mentally. Or worse he could internalise it and it could come out at the wrong time, like God forbid, during an OP.

Callen shook his head and marvelled at how the young detective had already started to look better. Maybe it was just because he was rehydrated, or maybe he hoped it was because he finally realized the whole team had his back and he didn't have to be alone anymore. The one thing he had noticed was not only did Deeks never call Brandel dad, which was understandable but since he had moved into the same room as his mom he would only refer to Brandel as him, and the one time Kensi had tried to say Brandel's name Deeks had given her such a look Kensi had instantly shut up.

"Sorry," Kensi said realizing she had upset him.

"Never...ever mention that name in this room," He growled threateningly.

She backed down hurt, it was the first time she had ever seen him full of rage and what scared her even more was she could see in him then a touch of what Brandel must have been like. Strangely enough it also reminded her of his alias Max Gentry which she realized must have been modelled on Brandel; it was no wonder Deeks hated that alias.

At the tone of his voice Callen's head snapped up and he walked over to Deeks its ok we won't.

Deeks had looked guilty at that realizing what he had done but stubbornly refused to apologize, He was about to say something when a doctor walked in.

"Mr, Deeks, I'm Doctor Ashton. I'm going to give you something for the pain and check your vitals." He looked at the other agents "Could we have a bit of privacy." Callen checked his badge, I.D. and nodded "We'll be right outside." He told Deeks.

The three agents stood out in the hallway, "ok so no discussing Brandel in the room." Sam said to the other two.

"Of course," Kensi said squashing down the urge to face palm herself, "He wouldn't want that name said anywhere near his mom.

Back in the hospital room, the doctor gave Deeks and injection and as Deeks fell into unconsciousness the doctor leant close to Deeks' ear, "Your dad says see you soon." He whispered and then walked out of the room giving the other unsuspecting agents a nod on the way out.

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><p>AN yes i know not much action in this one, but there is more to come.

Please review and let me know if you liked it, hated it, think i should be committed :)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Thanks for my review it made me smile.

It has been pointed out by my friend who reads over my shoulder as i write that I am a sick sick puppy and keep leaving you on cliff hangers... well today...:)

please leave me more reviews it really does motivate me and this chapter is dedicated to Ambrosia Rush whose great review encouraged me to get this posted tonight, so enjoy...I need sleep so I can write tomorrow's chapter.

Night :)

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><p>How you remind me Chapter 8<p>

After a few minutes Callen and Sam stayed outside on protection detail, while Kensi went into sit with Deeks, She felt like she needed to clear the air between them, as she opened the door her eyes went wide and she yelled for Callen.

"Call a doctor!" She ran into find Deeks having convulsions on the hospital bed and did her best to hold him down whilst the Doctors and nurses rushed into help him.

"What did the other doctor give him?" Kensi demanded to know.

"What other doctor?" the nurse asked "Mr. Deeks' doctor hasn't made his rounds yet."

"Doctor Ashton he was here about 5 minutes ago." Kensi stated.

"Small Indian man about 5 foot tall?" the nurse said trying to make sure she had the right doctor.

"No...a, wait," Kensi grabbed her phone "Eric, I need you to pull up the security camera from near Deeks' room, we had a doctor here about 5 minutes ago, who wasn't a doctor." Kensi waved the nurse away and left the room while the Doctors stabilized Deeks.

Eric tapped furiously on the keyboard and sent Hetty a message at the same time so she would know what had happened, although she probably already knew anyway. She was spooky like that.

"Got him." Eric told Kensi. "He left Deeks' room and went to the car park at the back of the hospital and a man gave him an envelope."

"Who did?" Callen asked he waited as Eric tapped furiously on his keyboard.

"I can't get a clear….wait…. It's Brandel!"Eric sounded panicked

"We've got it," Callen said and went to tell the others.

* * *

><p>Brandel knew it would soon be time to make his move; he had paid off a friend to give the boy Sevoflurane, a drug which he had remembered Deeks was highly allergic to and would give him seizures.<p>

He also knew it would take him a while before he was coherent enough to protect her and hopefully while those agents were looking for him, he could get a chance to get in the room and maybe finish them both.

* * *

><p>A flurry of activity was happening in and around Deeks' room. A nurse came out and talked to the three agents waiting in the Hall, just as Hetty arrived.<p>

"How is Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked the Nurse.

"He is having an allergic reaction to the drug the 'doctor' gave him."

Hetty nodded, "He was injected with Sevoflurane," Hetty stated "He is highly allergic to it." The nurse nodded and went to inform the doctor. Hetty turned to the three worried agents standing beside her. "The only person apart from me that knew of his allergy was Gordon Brandel".

"Eric said he was outside but he hadn't shown up here yet." Callen said.

"Well stay here, we know this is the only room he's interested in but to be safe we should move Mr Deeks and Ms Deeks to another room." Hetty went off to arrange it.

Deeks lay unmoving on the bed and Kensi looked shocked as his mother and him were wheeled to an adjoining room. If it hadn't been so serious it would have been funny, trying to manoeuvre four beds between two rooms without anyone outside the rooms noticing.

Sam and Callen sat in the room Deeks and his mom had been in, with the blinds down. It gave them the advantage and they hoped not having any agents in the hallway would lure Brandel into a false sense of security.

Kensi was in the other room with Deeks and his mom. She vowed to herself till Brandel was caught she wasn't leaving him alone again.

The doctors and nurses that came into treat Deeks and check on his mom came in the old door and through the adjoining door. From the outside it looked as if nothing had changed. The only thing that had changed was a subtle shift in the position of the security cameras on that floor; this gave Eric the perfect vantage point to watch the floor for Brandel.

It had been 48 hours everyone was tired but there had been no sign of Brandel in the hospital.

Deeks opened his eyes to see Kensi with her head on his bed, he lifted a hand and placed it on her head, "Hey," He said weakly.

She looked up at him, "Hey yourself." She replied happy he was awake.

He looked around and took a drink, "How long have I been out?" he asked.

"48 hours, you had an allergic reaction, a doctor gave you Sevoflurane." Kensi told him. It wasn't a total lie and he hadn't realized they had switched rooms. It wouldn't do him any good to worry and he was as safe as they could make him.

Deeks rested. For the first time in a while he felt safe, when he closed his eyes there were the nightmares, He didn't want to worry her but she noticed that he was trying very hard to stay awake.

"Its ok," she said "I promise I won't go anywhere."

"But, you did last time." He said falteringly

She grinned at him and opened her huge black purse and showed him it was full of doughnuts and Twinkies. "I got supplies in." She grinned.

He smiled back at her, "And yet you still eat my jello." He quipped looking at the empty jello tub on the tray by his bed.

For Kensi this felt good. She hoped it would be all over soon.

Deeks finally gave in to the waves of tiredness he had been fighting, and it was quiet enough that Kensi started to doze in the chair next to him.

The first thing she noticed was the breeze, it had dropped a few degrees and she noticed the window open.

She stretched and moved to open the window when she heard the click and froze.

The next thing she felt was the barrel of a gun at her temple and an arm around her neck. The she smelt stale whisky as a quite voice breathed in her ear.

"Hello girly"


	9. Chapter 9

A/N OK so this isn't a very long chapter and I did think the story was finished but apparently not!

So hope you enjoy this one and please review :)

usual disclaimer applies.

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 9<p>

How you remind me – Chapter 9

Kensi held her breath as a thousand things ran through her brain.

OK, so, he had got in via the window, if she yelled, he'd shoot her, but would Callen and Sam be able to get in before he shot Deeks and his mom. She waited to see what his next move was as she slowly tried to reach for the gun in her back, which she discovered wasn't there.

"I ain't stupid girly, I got your gun." he breathed in her ear. "Keep it quiet, we don't wanna wake up the neighbours." He walked over and locked the door.

"They will kill you." Kensi whispered back at him.

She cringed as he sniggered, "Yea but not before the kid and his bitch mother are dead."

"Don't move." Came a weak voice from the bed. Kensi looked over to see Deeks with the gun he had stashed under his pillow, Brandel sneered at his son, "Gonna shoot me again"

Deeks was sweating with the exhaustion of holding the gun and hauled himself out of bed, leaning against the wall.

Brandel pushed Kensi towards Deeks and aimed at Molly lying in the bed.

"No...please." Deeks begged, "She can't hurt you, leave her, please Dad, don't." Tears rolled down his face and the gun in his hand shook.

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><p>Brandel felt invincible he was he'd admit a little drunk but finally was at the point of revenge after all the brat shot him and what would hurt the kid more, would be to shoot his mom. Finally his nightmares watching the little brat with a revolver shooting him would be over. He went to pull the trigger and for a moment was satisfied with the sound of the gunshot in the room, He looked at the boy with a sneer and felt delight in the look of horror on his face.<p>

* * *

><p>Deeks welled up with tears and slid down the wall as Callen and Sam broke into the room. Kensi took the gun out of his shaking hand and pulled his horrified eyes towards her, "Deeks...Deeks...Marty, look at me. Your ok it's over." She said. She looked at Callen who with a curt nod informed her that Brandel was dead.<p>

"Your mom's ok you saved her." Kensi said.

Deeks sat there in shock.

He wasn't sure if he was crying cos it was all over, or if it was because he had just shot his Dad.

He tried to focus on Kensi but found he couldn't tear his eyes away from Brandel. He crawled over toward him and moved Callen out of the way. "I'm sorry." He said. His heart was pumping incredibly fast and his brain was trying to process what had happened. This man had made his life hell, but all he had ever wanted was for one moment with him. One moment where his Dad could have told him he loved him and where he could have made him feel wanted. The biggest blow was the fact that despite what his dad had done to him, Deeks was actually sad he had died and felt a huge pang of guilt being the one who had shot him. On the other hand his mom was safe. Callen helped Deeks up and suddenly Deeks spoke, "Get that piece of garbage away from my mom." Callen heard the slight tremor in his voice.

Deeks decided no one got to know how he felt about this, not yet, best to get his mom safe first.

Deeks sat back on the bed and closed his eyes; he didn't want to look as they took his Dads body out of the room. He shook his head to himself it was funny in an ironic way he'd finally acknowledged Brandel as his dad but it took him shooting his father to do it.

Also he figured he didn't want to look in his teammates eyes, he knew they would pity him and he did know what he felt yet, whether it was pity for his father, love, hatred, longing maybe for a life he never had but always wanted, but even though he had been alone for years he had never felt alone until now. And dammit he was scared. He kept having flashbacks to when he was hiding under the slide and the cops were chasing him. Mentally he knew he was coming undone and it scared the hell out of him.

He lay on his bed unmoving and not responding to Kensi, This scared her. They called a doctor in who checked out his physical wounds first, some of the stitching had come undone so they patched that back up all the while he didn't talk. The Doctor suggested that they move him back to the room next door. Kensi didn't want to but she wanted some sort of reaction out of Deeks. Even the doctor became concerned when they moved him and his eyes didn't even acknowledge the change.

Hetty turned up. As next of kin the hospital had given her a call, she rounded the other agents up.

"I have talked to Mr. Deeks' doctor, they are concerned about his mental health, I have called in a favour and we have a specialist flying into see him." She told them.

Callen eyed her warily, she knew of his distrust of 'shrinks' and how much right now all he would want is to protect the LAPD liaison. Hetty put a hand up to forestall his next objection, "Mr. Callen I have called back Dr. Getz,"

"Why isn't this over?" Kensi asked.

Hetty placed a hand on her arm, "You all need to go home and rest, and tomorrow you can do your paperwork. I will stay with Mr. Deeks then you can come back tomorrow."

Hetty sat in the chair next to Deeks, "Oh, Mr. Deeks I don't envy what you are going through right now, but know we all care about you and will be here for you."

If Deeks heard her he gave no sign, but he did blink and close his eyes. Hetty smiled, she feared it was all she could hope for right now.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Thanks for all those who are reading this.

Hope you enjoys today's chapter its a bit of a filler but hey i'm only writing this. :)

Please, please put me out of my misery and review. and i hope tomorrows chapter will be better. I dont know yet i'm writing it one day at a time so even i'm not sure how this is gonna end. (Well i have a slight idea)

As usual these are still Shane Brennan's toys and when they are all fixed he can have them back. :)

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 10<p>

The C130 transport plane landed at MACPAC in San Diego, less than five minutes later a very dusty Nate Getz walked off the plane and was met by Sam and Callen.

"Hey guys," He said genuinely pleased to see them, they shook his hand and led him to their car.

"Do you want to book into somewhere and get cleaned up first?" Callen asked him.

Nate shook his head and Sam grinned as some sand fell out. "No take me to OPS first, I need to talk to Eric and pick up Deeks' file. I'll grab a shower while I'm there." He said.

Nate listened to Callen and Sam chat with him, filling them in where he could on what he'd been up to; Callen picked up on the uneasy vibe Nate was sending out. Nate stared out of the window as they drove along the San Diego freeway, Nate relaxing at being home again. Although Nate had been filled in on most of Deeks' history there were still some gaps that Nate needed filling in. Hetty had told him to use whatever sources he required to bring Mr. Deeks back to full health and the first resource Nate needed was Eric.

Eric had been called by Nate as soon as the C130 had touched down, so he knew exactly what Nate was after and by the time he got to OPS there was a rather thick file on the life and times of Martin Brandel, plus the subsequent life of Marty Deeks. Eric being as thorough as he was had hardly left a day out of his life.

Nate climbed the stairs to OPS and thanked Eric as he picked the file up.

Callen and Sam had gone to work on their paperwork and keep Kensi Company and Hetty was still at the Hospital. All three of their heads shot up as a shriek emanated from outside OPS as Nell spotted Nate and Jumped into his arms.

"Hey Nell," Nate smiled.

"Nate! You're back" She grinned like and idiot and then realized where she was Nate laughed and ruffled her hair. "Yep squirt!" he replied smiling at her.

Nell got Nate a coffee as he sat on the sofa and read through the report and then headed off to have a quick shower before he headed to the hospital.

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><p>Hetty had been at Deek's side all night.<p>

She had been there when he had woken up he had been screaming in his sleep but the second he was awake he was silent. It was like he only had emotion when he was asleep and his guard was down.

He refused all meals that had been placed in front of him and had not eaten so doctors had been forced to put an IV saline drip in him just to keep him hydrated as his levels had not got back to full strength yet.

Hetty hurt watching him, she had read the full file on Deeks, the one that Nate had been given. It was heart wrenching reading. She had known some of his life story and as she had done with Callen she had left it up to Deeks to let her know what he wanted her to know. Having discussed his father when he had been shot he had told her some of it. But now having had Eric pull all records on Deeks she realized he hadn't talked about hardly any of it. She hadn't realized that the multiple times he had gone for help, he had been overlooked. That Brandel had managed, on more than twelve occasions to talk his way out of a social services investigation, and the times Deeks had appeared in hospitals all over California with different broken bones, Brandel had managed to justify them and him never going to the same hospital twice meant that staff were none the wiser, especially as the few times Molly Brandel had been seen by authorities she had backed her husband up. If it hadn't been for Deeks' shooting of Brandel when he was eleven she doubted the detective would even be here today. Reading about how he had, had one foster home that was good, but he had never really settled and he had left at 15 and had been homeless but had found help with friends and had managed despite all the odds to put him through law school. She hoped that somewhere deep within him was the tenacity that he had used then, hopefully it would bring him through this now and back to the team.

She looked up from her musing as Callen and Nate had arrived.

"Hetty" Nate said smiling

"Mr. Getz, welcome back." Hetty said as she left the room to talk with them.

"How is he?" Callen asked hopeful of any news he could take back to his team.

"He is awake but isn't interacting with anyone." Hetty replied. She turned to Nate, "Have you read his full file." She asked pointedly.

Nate nodded, "I had no idea, it explains a lot though..." He trailed off thinking. Callen looked at them both hoping someone would fill him in but Hetty shook her head.

"I will go and get started with him straight away," Nate said "Callen could you give Hetty a lift back apparently she lent Nell her car to get home from the hospital last night?"

"Sure." Callen said and left with Hetty, figuring that on the ride back he'd better behave, she was scary at OPS but stuck in a car for a 40minute ride was truly terrifying and if he got a ticket he may not make it back.

* * *

><p>Nate walked into Deeks' room and pulled a chair up to the bed. Deeks was awake and sitting up but to all intents and purposes no one might have been there for all the reaction Deeks gave he just continued to stare at nothing.<p>

"Hey Deeks," Nate said he knew Deeks wouldn't answer him right away."I know you don't want to talk right now, but just so as you know, you are my only patient, so I have all the time in the world and will sit here until you are ready to talk" he said and he sat and reread the file again.

Every once in a while Nate would look up at Deeks sometimes he swore he could here Deeks brain try and make sense of what had happened. Then he looked up and although Deeks was staring into space still tears, streaming down his face. For Nate this was a relief, an emotion at least maybe Hetty had been right in her assessment that Deeks would try and fight his way back to them all Nate had to do was to be ready when Deeks was ready to talk. It was, Nate knew going to be a long road and hopefully Deeks would be ready to rejoin the team.

Eight long hours passed. Nate still sat there the hospital staff had brought him food and coffee for which he was really grateful.

Deeks slept again and Nate was on hand for his nightmare.

* * *

><p>Deeks was in a dark hallway, there was a light at the end and every time he tried to get to it Brandel would step in his way with a shotgun. Except Brandel was huge and Deeks was small and he couldn't fight back. Every time he tried to push past him pain would rack through his body. He could see his mom curled in a ball in the corner as Brandel kicked her. He would try and save her but he couldn't move, and each and every time he made it to her she would be dead. Her cold dead eyes would stare up at him and her mouth would move. "It's your fault!" is all he would hear. There were doors either side of him and he screamed for help only nothing came out. Then he thought of the one person who would have his back and screamed "Kensi!"<p>

Nate watched Deeks Thrash about and helped hold him hoping he would snap out of his dream as Deeks started to relax Nate heard one word breathed in desperation and hope. "Kensi."

Nate walked out of the room and rang Hetty.

"Deeks spoke," He told her, "I need Kensi here as soon as possible."

He put the cell down and went back into Deeks room confidante that no matter what nightmare Deeks was facing, he now knew what he needed to save him from it.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N Sorry i didn't post yesterday, this chapter was harder to write than i thought. I think its finished now but if anyone has any other ideas review and let me know.

Disclaimer These belong to Shane Brennan and CBS they are not entirely fixed but i think i'm handing them back for now.

This chapter is dedicated to all survivors of Child abuse.

* * *

><p>How you remind me – Chapter 11<p>

Kensi was sure on the ride from OSP to the hospital, that she had gotten a few speeding tickets and probably made better time than if she had been in an ambulance.

She parked her car and ran into the hospital, her partner needed her and she had promised him she would be there. She had been despondent since he had stopped responding to anyone and she felt the same loss she had felt when Dom had died, even thought Deeks was still alive. The fact he had said her name made her feel hope again.

Nate looked up as Kensi flew in the room, Deeks was asleep and Nate sat her down and explained what had happened "I think in his nightmares, he's looking for something to cling to, something he knows he can trust and I think it's you." Nate said

"What do you need me to do?" Kensi asked. Nate looked her in the eye, "I need you to be here, to talk to him and reassure him he's safe."

Kensi nodded knowing she would do whatever it took to help save her partner.

Deeks stirred as another nightmare took hold of him, He was being dragged to the black body bag that Brandel had put him in to bury him alive, but instead of putting him in he had stood there proudly as Deeks had turned and hit Kensi, picked her up and put her into the bag with the same sneer on his face his dad had, had and then threw her into the shallow grave.

He thrashed in the bed as Nate held his arms so he couldn't hurt himself and then Deeks screamed "KENSI!"

"I'm here Deeks, you're safe, it's just a dream," Kensi said with tears rolling down her face as Deeks sobbed in his sleep.

"I can't be him," Deeks said still asleep, Kensi held his hand and sat with him till he woke up at 4.30am

"Hey there," Kensi said to Deeks.

Deeks stared at the ceiling, "You know Deeks, Nate came a long way for you at least look at us." she said hoping to get some sort of reaction from him. "Come back to me." She pleaded to Deeks quietly, hoping he could hear her but not trusting that he was still there. As she looked into his eyes she saw a spark of something.

"Kensi?" Deeks said. His eyes flickered and looked in her direction; there were tears of joy as she realized he was slowly coming back to them.

Suddenly he dropped her hand and scooted across the room and huddled into a ball, "Kensi, Run! I'm not safe, you're not safe"

Kensi looked at Nate stricken, "Deeks, you are safe Brandel is dead?" Kensi said kneeling beside his and stroking his hair to comfort him.

"No!" Deeks said Sobbing, "You're not safe from me."

Nate knelt beside him too, "Deeks you are not Brandel, You wont be Brandel. EVER you are better than him."

Deeks looked at his feet wanting to believe he wouldn't end up like his dad, but he thought to himself if he had shot Brandel the suspect he could have believed it, but he had shot his dad. He had called him dad and accepted his relationship with him. Something he had filed away in a box in his head at eleven and never thought he'd ever get that box out again.

"You shot Brandel. He's dead and not coming back you are safe," Kensi told him.

"No," Deeks said his voice hoarse "I shot my dad."

Kensi and Nate helped him up to a chair.

Nate nodded, "You did, but he wasn't a father to you," Nate said finally understanding what was going on in his head and where the fear was coming from, "You saved your mom, you are not and never were like him, you became a lawyer and a cop to protect people from people like him."

"But I shot that marine, he's dead because of me," Deeks said.

"You shot him in the shoulder, he's fine and is well on the way to recovery and doesn't blame you at all in fact you saved his life, Brandel would have shot him dead." Kensi told him.

A light of hope flickered in his eyes; he hadn't killed the marine after all. This had been eating at him all this time and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"I thought I was a murderer just like him and I hit you and tried to bury you like he had,"

"No Deeks, that was a nightmare and you fought against it." Kensi said, "I'm fine" she told him.

Deeks' head shot up, "I need to see her." He said, Kensi helped him up and took him to the next room.

She put him in the chair beside his moms bed, "Mom, it's over, your safe now." He said in her ear. For a second he had hoped she'd wake up, but he knew she wouldn't. But he did think she breathed a little easier as he told her."I love you." He said and kissed her head.

Nate looked at the interaction between them both and understood some of what Deeks must have been feeling and how this was going to factor in his recovery.

Deeks put his hand out for Kensi, "Mom, This is Kensi; She's my partner and my best friend." He said to her. Kensi held his mom's hand "Hi, Ms Deeks." She said and smiled at Deeks as he let out the first smile she'd seen out of him in a long time. "She might come with me sometimes to visit." Deeks said looking at her hopefully, hoping now he had someone to share this with. Kensi smiled and nodded back, "I'd like that," She said.

They helped Deeks back to his room and onto the bed.

"I need to talk to you." Nate said. Kensi stood up and went to walk out of the room.

"Stay...please?" Deeks asked, "Secrets between us started this, I don't want there to be anymore." He said to her.

Kensi looked at Nate for permission, "OK," He said, "but if at anytime you get to something you don't want to share with her she has to leave all right."

"If I get to something I don't want to share with you, do you leave?" he quipped.

"Nope." Nate smiled back at him, it reminded him of sessions he'd had with Callen.

"I'm going to use timeline therapy, we will start with you earliest memories," Nate said. Deeks felt scared at that and gulped, Nate smiled reassuringly, "Its ok, you will feel like you are watching them on TV and if they become too painful you can leave and come back to them when you're ready."

Deeks nodded and closed his eyes.

"What's your earliest memory?" Nate asked.

"Blue flowers, I'm in my nursery and my mom has put a big bunch of Blue flowers in my room," He smiled at the memory of his mom coming to pick him up and hug him. He must have been about 3 years old and he was happy as his dad had gone away it was the first time he had left Molly. He told Nate, "And I had blue flowers drawn on my plaster cast. I had a broken arm and they had a fight about it and he left and we thought we were safe," He finished quietly.

Kensi held her breath sitting behind him with tears silently running down her face having realized his first memory was tainted with violence and pain, she felt proud he had become who he had with that kind of upbringing as it could have been so much worse,

"How did you break your arm," Nate asked,

Deeks lowered his eyes ashamed, "Dad did it, because I fell, scraped my knee and cried too loud."

"No." Nate said his voice even. Deeks' eyes snapped up with anger in them, "You weren't there!" he said.

"I know, but that's not why he broke your arm." Nate said.

"Yes it was! If I hadn't cried he wouldn't have had to do it, it was my fault." Deeks insisted

"No...Your dad broke your arm because he was a bully and didn't know how to help you. You are NOT to blame for anyway he felt or acted in your life."

Deeks looked confused, "But..." he said trying to make sense of this new information. He had always been told the incidents with his dad were because of things he had done.

Kensi reached for his hand, "You're not alone." She said simply as he sat there shell shocked.

Nate stopped taking notes, "Take a break, you've done well for today." He smiled at Deeks reassuringly.

Deeks looked at Kensi after Nate had left, "I don't know if I will ever believe that." He said to her.

"You will, it will take time." She said wisely "Longer than those injuries you have now will to heal, and maybe after your back at work with us again. But we will all support you."

Deeks panicked for a second, "Will they have to know everything?" he asked.

"Only what you want to tell, Except for Hetty who knows everything anyway." She added jokingly.

Deeks relaxed and for the first time in a long time felt peace.

* * *

><p>AN So anyone else think it may be finished? haven't made up my mind yet.

Please review :)


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Thanks for those who added me to your favorites list, and a big THANK YOU to Ensign Cole who was totally right, this wasn't finished but it is now.

Hope you enjoy it.

Please review thanks.

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><p>How you remind me – Chapter 12<p>

Epilogue

Two months had passed; finally Deeks was nearly ready to come back to work.

He and Kensi walked into OSP and he stopped just taking in the atmosphere, "God I've missed this place," He said.

"We've missed you too Mr. Deeks." Hetty said "Are you ready to start back next week?" She asked.

"Yes but I still have to get the all clear from Nate." Deeks said. "Two more Psyche evaluations and I'm done," He smiled feeling relaxed about being back here.

"Hey man, welcome back." Callen said coming up behind him. Deeks jumped slightly and Callen put a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was over but there were still some traces of what had happened remaining. Deeks hid it quickly and smiled back at him, "Miss me yet?" he asked jokingly. Callen smiled back "Yea, we have had to pick on Sam instead," Callen replied.

"Hey," Sam called as he walked down the stairs from OPS. "You doing a Callen and coming back early?"

"Na," Deeks grinned at him, "I have to see Nate." He explained

Sam smiled even he had missed Deeks and was looking forward to him coming back to work.

* * *

><p>Nate sat in his office on a chair near the couch waiting for Deeks to come in. He had seen him arrive and had watched from the balcony as everyone had greeted him. He had been interested in Deeks' reaction to Callen and filed that away for use today. He was worried about how Deeks would react to the proposal he had for him. It had to be done, but he was worried that maybe he should have told Deeks and the team what was in store for them. He knew though if he had said anything to anyone both Callen and Deeks wouldn't be here today, so following Hetty's advice he had left it as normal. He hoped that the team didn't give Hetty too much trouble when she told them although he knew none of them would dare to disobey her when in the same room with her.<p>

Deeks walked into Nate's office and gave him and easy smile.

"Hey Doc." Deeks said.

Nate smiled back. "Sit, please." He said gesturing towards the couch. Deeks sat and then noticed the extra chairs.

"So how come all the chairs?" He asked

"We are doing a group session today, with your team mates." Nate said calmly.

"What, NO!" Deeks yelled.

* * *

><p>Down in the bullpen Hetty gathered her agents together.<p>

"I would like you to go up to Dr. Getz's office."

"Why?" Callen asked guardedly

"You are all having a group therapy session with Mr. Deeks." She said as Sam and Kensi nodded realising this needed to happen.

Callen jumped up "What, NO!" he yelled.

Sam and Kensi looked up as the same phrase was yelled upstairs at the same time.

Hetty stood in front on Callen, at that moment to Callen she seemed ten feet tall. "Mr. Callen, you will go with your team mates upstairs, Mr. Deeks needs you to do this for him." She said quietly.

Callen cast his eyes downward realising in that moment he had actually let Deeks down by giving into his own fears and felt ashamed. Hetty put an understanding hand on his arm. "Off you go." And all three of them headed upstairs.

* * *

><p>Deeks sat heavily on the chair, "Why?" He asked Nate dejectedly<p>

"This is part of your therapy something you need to do, you only need to share what your comfortable with and they need to share what they went through trying to find you."

Deeks took some deep breaths; he trusted him and had talked to him about everything over the last two months except the one thing he still needed to hide. It worried him that maybe Nate knew this and was trying to get him to spill.

"OK," Deeks said thinking, 'its only two hours you get through and you go home and it's done'. He shrank back in his seat and Nate could see him withdrawing into himself. Nate hoped that the others would help him out when they got there.

The door knocked and Kensi and Sam strolled in smiling and Callen brought up the rear sulking. Nate allowed himself a wry smile; it would figure Callen would have this reaction.

Callen shrank into the sofa on the other side of Deeks as Kensi and Sam sat in the chairs.

"Thanks for coming," Nate said.

Both Deeks and Callen gave Nate a 'deer caught in headlights' look.

"I just wanted to get you all together as this has been a traumatic case for you all. As you know Deeks is due back next week and I want to make sure there isn't anything you need to say." He paused "Any of you..."

Sam watched his team mates and realised they had all been affected in some way but could see them all struggling to be the first to say anything.

"I hated watching all of you go through that, "Sam said. Kensi looked up in surprise, Callen lifted his eyes a bit but Deeks still stared at the floor. "I hated watching Kensi fall apart as she thought she had lost another partner, I hated seeing Callen blame himself for what had happened to Deeks and I hated the fact we couldn't rescue him faster." Sam finished.

Nate nodded grateful for the fact that Sam had realised how important it was for someone to get the ball rolling.

"I wish I could have been stronger." Kensi said quietly. "And I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from taking you."

Deeks eyes shot up at that, "It wasn't your fault ...It's..." Deeks 'voice trailed off.

"It wasn't yours!" Callen snapped at Deeks. Deeks flinched as if hit. "He should have protected you, raised you and loved you. You NEVER deserved that." The venom dripping off Callen's words was palpable, everyone jumped at that. Callen got up to leave his phone rang and he looked at the message, it was one word from Hetty 'Stay'. He swiped the screen angrily and sat back down on the couch.

"Maybe if I had ..." Deeks felt awkward these were his friends but to say to them what he had told Nate was almost impossible. Also he was scared Callen would snap again. In these sessions he had talked so much about his childhood, the foster home after his mom had gone into her coma, the time he'd lived on the streets, ok not all of what he had, had to do to get himself through law school and then into the LAPD, Here he was accepted something he hadn't had at the LAPD and he was scared if he let them in they would see him as worthless and throw him aside. Or worse work with him but ignore him like he was nothing. He couldn't do that again.

"We need you back." Kensi said. "I need you to have my back and I will always have yours."

Deeks smiled at this he needed her too but didn't voice the sentiment, "I don't blame you guys for anything, Thank you for saving me." He added quietly.

Callen let out a genuine smile. "Your family." He said.

Deeks grinned at Callen and the twinkle Nate hadn't seen in months was back, "Does that make me your annoying little brother," Deeks said. Sam and Kensi laughed at that and Callen nodded.

"Yep, and Nate." Callen said, "You had better book more appointments 'cos we are as dysfunctional as they come."

Nate smiled as they joked with one another.

"Did you just volunteer to come in for sessions?" Nate joked and they all laughed.

* * *

><p>Hetty looked up from her desk as her favourite team walked down the stairs laughing with each other. She raised an eyebrow in surprise as Callen peeled off from the team and went over to her.<p>

"Thanks," He said and sat by her desk.

"You all needed it, Mr. Callen," She said, "You and most of all."

As usual Callen couldn't fault the wisdom of her words, no matter how hard he tried.

"One more session for Mr. Deeks to finish up and then your team will be back together as usual on Monday," She said.

"I think we will be good." Callen stated.

* * *

><p>Deeks left OSP on the Friday after his last session, yes, granted he still had lingering doubts about how tight a team they were and he felt a bit hurt when he had left Nate's office to find none of them about to talk to him, but he figured they must be on a case.<p>

He grabbed a Chinese and headed towards the Hospital as he did every Friday night for a 'family dinner' with his mom, which consisted of him eating take out drinking a soda and telling his mom all about his week. He walked up the hallway to his mom's room, "Hey... How is she?" He asked stopping at the nurses' station with this week's bunch of blue flowers.

"Doing well Marty," The nurse smiled at him, "Family night already?" She said

"Yep, got a lot to chat about this week, Christine," Deeks smiled back at her.

"You ok?" He asked as she was grinning so much he thought she may be sick. "I'm fine, go on in I'll put these in water for you."

Deeks opened the door and walked in "Hey mom." He said and stopped stunned by what he saw.

"Hey Deeks," Callen said sat with Chinese and soda, Sam and Kensi were there too. Deeks looked at them confused. "Hey guys, what..."

"Family dinner night," Kensi said smiling, "The nurses told us that was what you do every Friday night, so now we've been declared part of your dysfunctional family, we decided to join you."

Deeks smiled put his Chinese down and walked over to kiss his mom, "Hey beautiful, looks like we have company tonight." He stroked her hair and sat beside her.

Christine walked in with the vase, swopping out the old flowers for new ones and Deeks noticed three other bunches of blue flowers there.

"Thanks guys," He grinned with a small tear running down his cheek.

So they all chatted about work, life and things in general. For the first time in months...no scratch that, years Deeks was truly happy and just for a second he thought he saw his mom smile.


End file.
